Dutch Missionary Records is nothing if not devoted to making music portable and democratic, therefore, we're freely giving you, the fan, the means to reproduce the music acapella (or along with the record, I guess) using THE OFFICIAL LYRICS SHEET FOR "YOU ARE THE UNAWASHED MASSES" Dutch Missionary Records vol.1 all lyrics and music by Patrick Keller, 2005, transcribed by the same. so don't say we've never done nuthin for you. -------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------- ALTERNABRIDE MAGAZINE / Alternabride Magazine After much consideration we'll give you a try Here's your shot kid, don't screw it up! Read over the manual, especially on the dress code it'll tell you what you need to assume your position . . . chorus: Alternabride magazine! waits for your submission Please be on my des by four . . . Alternabride magazine! waits for your submission Please be on my des by four . . . You'll have to look your best if you want to meet our clients I can't be seen with a slob . . . And about the pleated skirt I'm afraid that it's required it's a necessary part of your job . . . chorus ". . . be waiting on my desk . . . on all 1,2,3,4's!" instrumental break (same chords) We haven't filled the slot since the day you left us All those photographs messed with my mind . . . But I promise if you come back I'll look, but I won't touch now and you can cancell your subscription to your boyfriend any time chorus -------------------------------------------------- BABYKISSER / The Alligator Tears You are the unwashed masses, Let me shake your hand You are the unwashed masses, If you put me in office I'll make it much better If you want a ride Then let me put my hand inside Your pocket, and then we're ready to go (ooohooo, give me your fuckin vote) You are the unwashed masses, and I know you don't like them But if _ you come in closer we can do it together, I know we can both win! If you want real change you gotta get with a man who's more than a little bit deranged . . . And let me pour . . . I've got my hand in your pocket now we can go (see you four years, motherfathers) -------------------------------------------------- RUNAWAY / The Running Relapses from Judgment, NM Let's run away from the sadness of tomorrow and the pain and loneliness that is my life today Let's run away you don't have to tell your parents when we go they've grown too old, how could they even know? I wanna leave myself behind but I got a lot of indecision but I know I wanna be with you Please get the motor running and I swear I'll take the wheel Let's hit the road, the world is new Let's run away and I'll tell you that I love you every hour I'll stop the bike in the mountains and pick a wild flower for you, you can wear it in your hair it's always june And we can embarass the sun and make faces at the moon I've said my goodbyes now, and now my duffel bag is packed so tell me: how long's it going to be? Till we're on the road riding my motorcycle with your arms wrapped around me Let's run away we can hop a ship that's going to the west and if you packed your swimsuit then I know I'll be impressed by you, cause even though you're beautiful you are still cool cause you'll let me talk about records until the moon is blue I know we been friends for years but how much do you know about me? You didn't guess the torment I go through You say that's not attractive and we're better off as friends, well we've got time, that tea will brew I've been stuck on you since the first night that we met you looked smokin' in your dress standing thin as a cigarette But I knew you were beyond me and I always must pretend to be happy just to know you and only be your friend and I tried . . . I went to war with my insides If you ran away from me I wouldn't try to stop you you can go but I'd keep on thinkin' about you even though you're miles below and you'll go home and I'm sorry that I know what you'll become: the high priestess of the chapel of the things I'm running from You're a daughter of the world I'm running from -------------------------------------------------- CAROLINE MAYBE / The Shrapnelles oh caroline, why you wanna tell me lies? when you know your eyes are only going to tell me the truth? You run around town with that other guy when the only thing i don't know is why . . . I let you make me blue . . . Do you love me, Caroline Maybe? you say yes I am You've got your name spread around town and it kills me that everyone knows what it means You say yes to them, but maybe to me And I cry inside and wait patiently for the day when you'll say it's just me and you Do you love me, Caroline Maybe? you say yes I am [instrumental break] I know you never said that you would never change and I know you never said that you'd never cut your hair You break my heart and you don't even try I know I said it's sad to see a sweet thing die But you're not dying! You've only become untrue . . . Do you love me Caroline Maybe? you say yes I am Oh, Caroline, I think this is the last! moment of our past, because that's it, we're through When you see me on the street you won't recognize and I'll try to keep the tears out my eyes because I never really saw you I'll say "Are you Caroline Maybe?" You say, "Yes I do." I said I love you Caroline Maybe and I know you do (I don't) you do (I don't) etc. -------------------------------------------------- ARMY OF ME (lryics by Bjork) / The Broken Dials Stand up You've got to manage I won't sympathize Anymore chorus: And if you complain once more You'll meet an army of me You're alright There's nothing wrong Self-sufficience please! And get to work chorus You're on your own now We won't save you Your rescue-squad Is too exhausted chorus -------------------------------------------------- ON THE WRECK / The Glottal Stops Wrapped a type-a-writer ribbon 'round my kneck x 4 We are too far gone, and too far in between we'll never see the cities that we came from We are too far gone, and too far in between we're like lanterns hanging in the marsh in the dark we can still like lamp-posts in the park We're on the wreck, we're on wheels, we're on the phone Can I see you little girl when you're all alone But you're not home when I get there You wouldn't answer me anyway If you get into my car I'll take you anywhere you like we can keep starlight between us if you'll dance with me tonight It's alright if you can stay just promise that you'll come back and see me chorus: On the wreck I call my life I can get together what I need You could be the captain I will be the captain's wife just don't leave me in the cabin when you go sailing out to sea! So I said I was a werewolf, you shouldn't be so scared here's a pistol, here's a bullet, look it's silver, you're prepared I only dared to tell you this . . . because I think your special, and you're worth any risk If you said you were a vampire, I don't think I'd be scared I like every single kind of love except the unaware It's not fair . . . that you don't know but I promise that I'll teach you, if you come out and see me, frequently, you'll love it here, believe me chorus He's not your older brother and he couldn't be your friend I could say I'm happy for you but I know that's just pretend Is this the end? of my fantasy But I'll keep dancin' . . . with your memory He looks like he's got muscles, and could probably lift a tune but in this soloar eclipse, I'm the sun and he's the moon It's too soon . . . for you to say that you think you like him better when you've never heard me play -------------------------------------------------- PET STORE / Alternabride Magazine Come down to my petstore and you'll like what you see there's two rabits in the front window that look like _ you and me They don't care who is watching they do what they like and I'd like to do what they are doing if you would come with me tonight chorus: I haven't lived all around the world I've only seen the corners of my mind But take a trip inside my inner world you never know what you might see Come down to my office and you can read the fax you can look at the stars through the conference window while you are _ lying on your back on the conference table then we'll tour the floor Oh get down on your hands and knees, girl then we might find _ what we're looking for chorus Down the corner from my reason there's a shop where I collect me thoughts of me and you We've got tigers for sale, we've got a killer whale and a unicorn that I'd set free for you It was wrong to keep them captive but I confess: we didn't have a home . . . until you walked in through the door then I said, "I'll search no more . . . cause you're the girl who will set my monsters free!" Come down to my library lick your fingers with your tongue and turn some pages while my hands go sliding up while you're on the top wrung of a rolling ladder you'll be glad you did cause you've got a taste for arcane knowledge and I happen to know where it's hid chorus: There was something written on my hand, it said 'I know more than the man on the street' But I haven't really Been around so let me get my camera out and show me some teeth I haven't really lived all around the world but I want to Know what's on your mind . . . Imagine if we put our stock together, let our tigers breed, what we might find So I step inside your waiting room then I take my time . . . -------------------------------------------------- BIFFIG / The Coins You went out with my bestfriend but then you say no to me You said it would be too weird and I said, "Wait and see" Maybe you don't want to be happy Maybe you just like to be sad A best friend's former girl was the best I ever had You said it wouldn't be friendly and I said, "That's alright with me" And if he's so prone to envy then why'd be ever set you free? oh girl, I just want you to be happy I don't want to feel so bad a best friend's former girl was the best I ever had You got my mind going like a pinball, baby I don't know which bumper it's going to hit There's so many things I wanna tell you, like where I wanna take you out After so many hours of conversation, it's something we never talked about I promise that I'll make you happy if you let me take a stab I think that you're the best thing that I'm ever gonna have You got my tongue tied like a slipknot, baby And only your kiss can be set me free The last verse of our little story is how you finally said you would I can't tell you just what you said . . . maybe you can help me. . . . . . . . . . my best friend's former girl is the best I ever had -------------------------------------------------- AUTUMN SQUARE / Der Swain! Autumn square Autumn square I said let's meet at midnight and you promised to be there I know my hands were shakin' and it wasn't from the cold I thought that if you kissed me I might cry But at twelve forty five I said, "I got the point" and I cursed you cause I really thought you'd show Autumn square Autumn square I said let's meet at midnight and you promised to be there I said I would stop writing love songs and try to concentrate but what you did made me break my word You always were a good friend tried _ to keep me right on track but I thought you'd make a lover out of me I took the long way home just to kill the chance cause I didn't want to see you anymore . . . I read it in the next day's paper, then I tore it up I know I would have found you where you fell Autumn square Autumn square I said let's meet at midnight and you promised to be there My new girlfriend don't like it when I sing your song But that's okay, I don't care now that you are gone I could tell you that I loved you but I never got that far I've always wondered what you would say if you had made it to autumn square -------------------------------------------------- YES NO LET GO / The Alligator Tears You're pretty good lookin' . . . But you read too much And if you're so smart . . . Why didn't you see this comin'? You cut with safety scissors in your padded room And you always cut along the lines . . . Well I'm not tellin' you to be what you aint But when we get together you show too much restraint! C'mon, c'mon, let go Let go girl, let go If you don't change you should know that I'll let go So you switched to magazines and you wrote notes in the margins And you raised your skirts about half an inch . . . You cut your hair the way I wanted But then you really crossed the line I wanted you to advance but your queen took my rook I wanted a light, but you struck the whole book Yes or no, yes or no, should I let go? Yes or no (yes yes yes yes yes) Yes or no (no no no no no) I wish someone would tell me which way . . . to go What are you talkin' about? Some guy you met at the show? Does he want you more-- well I hope so But before you leave before you leave there's one thing you should know: When I found you you'd never been kissed but if you leave now, girl, you won't be missed come on, come on, come on, come on, let go Let me go . . . (yes yes yes yes yes) Let me go . . . (no no no no no) I don't wanna be with you no more He's pretty good lookin' . . . But he talks too much And if he're so cool . . . Why did you call me number Well, I found a girl who looks just like you, at least the way you used to be . . . You used to be innocent, quiet, and sweet oh Why'd ever wannna go and listen to me? Come on I did you wrong, I know it now that I'm alone Put on your old dress so I can see And I gotta know girl: Are you saying yes to him or are you saying no to me -------------------------------------------------- THE LAST LINE / The Last Lines verse: If you say no I promise not to slander you to my friends but if you don't know I'd like you to be my girlfriend chorus: You probably think you're worth more than _ two or three chords and if you say 'yes' I might agree But if you say no to me you'll just become a memory oh yeah, I guess we're still friends verse, chorus guitar solo over verse, chorus -------------------------------------------------- THE TWO HALVES OF MY HEART / The Capricornicopollas I don't know if you still want me but I know that I want you still and if you got some papers that you want me to sign I'll be swinging from our tree up on the hill The two halves of my heart they were a handshake but you've gone and turned those hands to fists And I cried so much it filled my inkwell and I drew a line across my wrist When I saw him in the city I knew he was the one you kissed I challenged him to a contest he can't resist but you're leaving with me cause I've got the bigger fist! He thought that he could beat me in a race cause he's got speed But when you've got stamina like mine, honey, there's no need Come back to our tree and stop messin' with that weed The three chords of my song they were united and we sang in perfect harmony till an artless baritone invaded in my song I wrote for two but not for three I don't know if you still want me but I know that I want you still and if you got a wedding invitation for me I'll be swinging from our tree up on the hill I'd write you a thousand sonnets if you would come back to me I'd compare you to the sun or an apple hangin' from our tree Let's study romantic poems and forget history! If you would be my woman again I'd be a better man I'd do all those things that you always said that i can and if you don't like it, I can go back again cause I don't know if you still want me but I know that I want you still and if you got a wedding invitation for me I'll be swinging from our tree up on the hill When I first saw you, I thought you were the one and I thought I was a lucky guy I thought you were the prettiest girl I'd ever seen but that was a trick of the eye I didn't know then you would only give me tears to cry I don't know if you still want me but I know that I want you still and if you got some papers that you want me to sign I'll be swinging from our tree up on the hill So I don't know if I still want you but I think that you're leaving would be best Oh, you thought that it would be fun to shatter my heart but the two halves still are lying in my chest (side by side like we used to do) the two halves of my heart are in my chest -------------------------------------------------- HEY SARGE! ("Bake Sale For A Bomber" and "Evil Princess" by The Slaughterhouse Five) / The Ice Nines (lyrics likely misunderstood by Pat Keller) (Bake Sale For A Bomber) Next time I get a chance when it all comes down I try to make my head hurt not any way Rule of the game when it all falls down I try to use to anyone who comes my way And though my heart is hard to break and when your life is on your plate and when I say to another person I didn't want to say it I didn't want to go there I didn't want to go now I didn't want to go here And what was stollen will never be replaced First time I got a chance when I felt my own intentions leaving for another place And it was time when it all comes down not trying to make my head hurt not any day And though your heart is hard to break and though the safe is hard to break when I say to I didn't want to go for I didn't want to go there I didn't want to want say it I didn't want to go here And what was stollen will never be replaced Until my own I get there someday I didn't want to go here (Evil Princess) Where in the world did you come from I need time Waiting around here for far too long now and the worst is done Photographs in love thought about it on the long drive home What about your money? and you said, "We'll take it for a little spin" Who could pass you up? Couldn't ask you for the short ride home (and I think you know what that means) What about the love? I'm still taking rides for you Where in the world do you belong? Anywhere. Making an offer can take a long time and the work is hard And I'm afraid to follow, coulda takin' you out so cold My friends don't hollar and you said, you been looking for a team to tune Photographs in love, thought about it on the long ride home What about the money? I'm still taking rides from you Still making the same mistakes that I had made a million times before I came here Now I see my future and its looking up I can finally wait with your home I can't believe I think you're something I can't have To be defeated by a shadow in the dark I save my heart for me and looking up I think I'm in your rectory I'm still waiting around for you. I'm still waiting around for you. I'm still waiting around for my evil prinecss. (outrow, with the chords of the SV's "Completely Giving") Slaughterhouse, slaughterhouse, slaughterhouse . . . five Slaughterhouse, slaughterhouse, slaughterhouse . . . five Slaughterhouse, slaughterhouse, slaughterhouse . . . five Slaughterhouse, slaughterhouse, slaughterhouse . . . Oh slaughterhouse, we love you -------------------------------------------------- THE TINIEST LUMBERJACK / Those Headhunters The tiniest lumberjack went to sea he didn't know if we wanted to cut down that tree He didn't know where he wanted to live . . . and he didn't know any young girl that he wanted to make his bride fin.